Great Commission Dating

What is Great Commission Dating?

Classic boy meets girl. Nobody escapes relations with the opposite sex, but strangely I don’t know many people who want to escape it. Rather, the thrill of love captivates every man and woman in the world. Here in the U.S., we start at an early age seeking that middle school sweet heart.

With each passing year, the consensus has become the expression of love comes through dating. Maybe it’s the surprising number of failed marriages or maybe it’s the rise of a postmodern worldview, but the goal of love is not necessarily marriage anymore. The Christian worldview that God created man and woman to leave their parents and hold fast to one another in a covenant called marriage has fast faded. What have been left are men and women with tons of emotional baggage as they try to navigate through love.

Some have seen the hurt, pain, and sin involved in a system of dating that leaves out God and have called for a time warp trying to go back to a system of courtship. The difference being courtship mandates accountability structure within home and church, and limits emotional involvement without serious commitment. For instance, in classic courting the man is to seek the blessing of the woman’s parents or spiritual leaders and define his intentions clearly. In American dating, intentions do not necessarily have to be said nor do parental relationships really matter until later on. Some courtship advocates even claim that courtship is the Bible’s way of a man and woman to begin the process of marriage and dating is the substitute of God’s way.

But let’s clear the air a little bit; the Bible is not a how to manual. Instead it is a gospel oriented revelation. What I mean is that it is a proclamation of good news that tells people the way from sin to righteousness before God by Jesus’ death and resurrection. The Bible’s message is how to transform a life from wickedness to righteousness based on another’s merit and not your own. Yes, the Bible explains what a righteous life is concerning marriage and sex, but it does not set an eternal precedent for how to get married.

Instead, God’s mission is to turn sinners into righteous people and transform them from head to toe. That means when a person comes to Jesus, nothing is the same. To quote 2 Corinthians 5:17 “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation” (emphasis added). What is so new about a new creature in Christ? Do they no longer go to the same job, have the same family, or live in the same city? No, the “newness” of new creation is having the same life but living it in a righteous way instead of a wicked way because we now have a new King.

That’s exactly the message that will help a Christian navigate with Christ-like wisdom through love and dating. As a new creation, we must look at even our dating life under the dominion of King Jesus and do it in a righteous way. So what does this look like?

When Jesus transforms your life, he begins to change what matters to you to love what matters to Him. God has a mission. Habakkuk 2:14 says of God’s mission “the earth will be filled with the glory of the Lord as the water covers the sea.” Jesus said that his mission was to seek and to save the lost (Luke 19:10). The book of Acts is God’s record to show His gospel oriented mission spread throughout the world. And in Revelation 21 New Heaven and Earth come down and God finally makes all things new and he dwells with man forever. God’s mission is redemption, rescuing people in sin so that they may know Him.

God’s mission should color all aspects of our life. God doesn’t care if we are a server, a businessman, a teacher, a stay at home mom, a construction worker, a salesman, or nurse. He cares that you are involved in redemption, being transformed by the message of Jesus’ death and resurrection. This is the great commission that Jesus left us with in Matthew 28:19 “Make disciples…,” it’s the heart of Paul in 2 Corinthians 5:20 “we are ambassadors for Christ,” and the charge Jesus gave the church in Acts 1:8 to be his witness “to the ends of the earth.” So, dating isn’t just some necessary evil to hopefully escape un-fried by the fire, it is a part of our worldview that should be transformed to be seen as a part of God’s mission.

So, now, under the dominion of Christ, the most important part of dating is making disciples. Just for the record, this is not a ‘flirt to convert’ strategy. Simply put, you need to date Christians. But, Christians are in the process of becoming disciples, too. Christians need encouragement, love, and sanctification to become more like Christ as a disciple. In this sense, the main goal of dating is to further the other person’s love for Jesus. Where do I get this? Well, Ephesians 5 tells us the way a man and wife love each other is a sanctifying love that points to Jesus. So, if dating is the training wheels to marriage, should we not pursue the same goal in a training wheels way? Obviously, the same submission to each other is not appropriate because the same commitment is not present. But, there are ways that a brother and sister in God’s family can push each other to Christ while they see if they want to commit to one another.

There are two foundations that a Christian must have when viewing dating. First, they must see it as pointing to marriage. Do they have to know at the very beginning if they want to marry the person? No. But, you can’t act like there isn’t something more that dating aspires to without denying God’s plan. Second, you have to view dating as sexually pure. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says “It is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality.” A part of righteously living in God’s mission of redemption is sexual purity.

So, how can I join God’s mission and pursue making a disciple in someone I am interested in? I’ve come up with three guidelines that I try to follow in dating to help my sister pursue faith in Christ. Biblical faith is the complete trust of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection for our righteousness in absolutely everything we do. So how can I accomplish that Jesus loving faith in a person’s life: Praying for faith, Sharing faith, and Listening for faith.

Praying for faith.  It sounds like a simple concept, but it can be difficult to remember to do as you begin a new relationship. When you pray, you will be tempted to pray that the relationship goes well, that you don’t screw up the first date, or that the other person thinks you’re awesome. Then, you will add “but your will be done,” at the end just to cover the bases. But the prayer for faith that I am talking about is different. Pray that the main goal of all your time spent with the other person is directly or indirectly encouraging. This means that whether there is no connection or that you fall head over heels, the main pursuit is faith in the Son of God.

What does that look like? Well, it looks like praying as you drive to pick them up, that in some way, the time spent together will point towards Jesus. That conversation will naturally include him, and all actions are well representing of him. Prayer that asks even if she thinks you are a loser, that she still smells the sweet fragrance of Christ (even though that may be the only thing she likes about you).

Prayer for faith will grow as the relationship grows because you will know his/her goals, struggles, passions, job, school, etc. and you can be more specific that with each faucet of his or her life they live by faith in Jesus Christ.

Finally, praying for faith is the way to counter-culturally, lovingly end a relationship. The truth is that sometimes things just don’t work out. Life gets in the way, one is too busy, the other just isn’t on the same page, or (in the worst cases) sin has caused hurt. It is the hardest thing to do to pray for faith when you have been dropped or it all ends. All you want to do is punch a wall or throw glass. But, in that moment, one can clearly see if a love for Jesus or if a love for a relationship controls your life. Through the heartbreak, prayers for faith will re-align your heart to the main goal… making disciples of Jesus Christ.

Sharing your faith. It is so important to share your faith with the other person. Depending on how long the relationship is, controls the amount you share. Over time, sharing faith will include encouraging one another with a word, serving one another with an action, sharing what is going on at church, teaching each other by example of telling others about Jesus, sharing joy for victories, and Christ like comfort in struggles. The list goes on and the more you are focused on Christ, it will come out naturally.

Why is it important to share your faith verbally and with actions? First, it’s important to share verbally because faith in Jesus is a confessional faith. We believe certain historical things like Jesus death and resurrection for our sins. If we do not verbalize them, the faith we possess is internalized like an Eastern religion or New Age thought and varies from the biblical Christian faith. Second, our confession has to be followed by a lifestyle or our confession is false. Luke 6:44 says, “For each tree is known by its fruit.” In the context of dating, you can’t help a disciple with their faith if you don’t share the example of your own faith.

Listen for Faith. In the process of trying to make a disciple, when faith is present in the other person, you will find that they have something to teach you as well. God made both men and women in His Image. The fact is, men possess some qualities better than women and women possess some qualities better than men because none of us perfectly reflect the image of God. Because of this, when the other opens up about their faith; LISTEN(!), because it may be something that can benefit you. Personally, I’ve been taught what it means to value a person, how to communicate, ambition, and how to invest in people; all in a Christ glorifying way by women that have caught my interest. Trust in God’s providence to put you around other brothers and sisters that will encourage you in faith, hope and love.

In Summary. When I see through the lenses of God’s providence and Christ’s transformation, I see that everything (including dating) is used by God to make me like Jesus and trust him more. There is no set of ten commandments when it comes to dating; just two: live righteously and prepare for marriage. In the meantime of first dates and butterflies in your stomach, make disciples and you will not have a single regret because the focus will be on Jesus and he is your King forever.