My wife, Grace, and I got married after about 11 months of a dating and engagement process.  We dated for 6 months, were engaged for 5 months, and the rest is, well, history as they say.  Honestly, my wife is so hot that waiting any longer to get married would have been extremely disastrous for me, and I would have ended up repenting and asking her to forgive me for my human-man-sin-nature-sex-drive.  [...]

It’s that time of year again when gobs and gobs of money are spent appeasing and pacifying the wants and wishes of small children (and 40-something-year-old kids) across the globe. On December the 25^th millions of men, women, boys, and girls throughout the world will receive their yearly injection of that oh-so intoxicating drug called materialism. While I’m all for giving gifts—and receiving them—I would like for us to at least give thought to the sorts of gifts that we are giving to our loved ones this year. [...]

The most recent TIME cover poses the question, “Who Needs Marriage?”  If you keep up with my column at all then you know much of my writing and energy is placed around thinking through this issue with our generation.  With this being such a big issue, I knew I had to write something on this piece through lens of our generation.  You can read my positions on marriage HERE and HERE, and why you are at it you can read our views of cohabitation outside of marriage HERE and HERE.  Al Mohler, one of our heroes, has also written a sagacious article on this topic HERE.

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This question is more of an enigma then anything.  Nonetheless, here are some good questions for young men that love both Jesus and women.

1.  Are you attracted to her?

This is a no brainer.

2.  Does she love Jesus?

This should be the first thing that makes or breaks a relationship.  The apostle Paul tells us that we are not to be unequally yoked in our (1 Cor 6:14).  Guys, if she loves Jesus and you are attracted to her then those seem like pretty good odds.  The gospel must be the center of every relationship.  It is the rock and foundation that every relationship must be built upon.  You must be a man who loves Jesus and shows it in your actions.  When you do this, girls who love Jesus will notice you.

3.  Are you like-minded?

I do believe there are more to relationships then the attractiveness and gospel-centeredness aspects, although they are the two biggest in my opinion.  As you begin a relationship there should always be an angle where you are learning the theology, goals, and aspirations of the other person.

4.  Are you ready for marriage?

It is no secret that my position on dating is a minority position.  For the Christian, dating should always be practiced in the shadow of marriage.  If you are not ready for marriage then you should not date.  The question now is, “How should I prepare myself for marriage?”

Read Question 1:  What is Biblical Manhood?

Visit Greg’s Column – Crossing the Rubicon

In this article Greg Gibson begins his series, Questions for College, by asking the first question, “What is Biblical Manhood?”  Greg swings for the shins of most young college guys in this thought-provoking and challenging article. [...]

This past Tuesday night I had the privilege to sit under the preaching of Darrin Patrick, who came to my church Highview Baptist to speak to our men regarding the subject of masculinity. He began his talk by regretfully reminiscing upon the relationship that he had with his father, especially as it pertained to spiritual matters. [...]

In this article Ben Montoya discusses an important issue for young college students to understand:  Your college ministry on your local campus is NOT the local church. [...]

The motives behind this article are 4 sided: 1) Guys have no idea how to be in a ‘dating’ relationship.  2) Girls have no idea how to be in a ‘dating’ relationship.  3) The Christian dating culture can sometimes seem so ridiculous that it’s fun to pick on.  4) It’s just fun.  I have compiled the following list of rules after thinking through why relationships begin and end.

There is nothing especially Scriptural about each of these points.  Many of them are just fun; however, many should be taken seriously.  Also, most of them are geared toward guys… since I am one.  They have been derived from experience, observation, study, and common sense.  Read this list.  Think through them.  Disagree.  Laugh with me.  Think of them as guidelines more than rules (because rules without relationship lead to rebellion).  And then let me know what you all think.

The Batter’s Box:

1. Get a job.
2. Work hard.
3. Take showers. (You would think that the first 3 are assumed… yeah… it’s not)
4. Stop playing Xbox all day.
5. Start a budget, save money, and move out of mom and dad’s house.
6. Don’t go to a bar to find a girl.
7. Never text a girl and ask her out on a date.
8. Girls, if a guy ever texts you to ask you on a date then you should probably make fun of him.
9. Don’t let your girl friends set you up with a ‘friend.’  It never works out.  If you do end up going then always go on a lunch date first.  It’s easy to move on from there without much awkwardness.
10. Hang out in groups.  Get to know the other person without making your intentions known just yet.
11. Don’t be too pushy.
12. Girls should never ask a guy out a date.  If a guy can’t man up and ask then he’s not worthy of you calling him a ‘man.’
13. Girls CAN put themselves in a position to be noticed.  Think of Ruth.
14. Take your time.  You don’t have to rush into something… I’m talking to you guys.
15. Make a great impression on her parents and vice-versa (if this is feasible).
16. Guys, it might be a good idea to get permission from her dad to take her on a date.
17. Be a man and ask her out in person.
18. Make your intentions known.  Is this just a hang out date?  How interested are you?  Do you just want to culturally date?  Just trying on another shoe?  Are you dating for the purposes of marriage?

The First Date:

1. Take a shower.
2. Plan it out.
3. Take her somewhere nice.  A first date should never be McDonalds.
4. Dress casually.  Look sharp but don’t over do it.
5. Going to church is not a date.
6. Reading the Bible together on a first date is probably not a good idea.
7. The guy should always drive.
8. The guy should always come to the door.  Never honk.
9. The guy should always open EVERY door for the girl (i.e., car door, restaurant door, etc)
10. The guy should always pay.
11. Bring flowers if you are that kind of guy.
12. Side hugs are great first date ‘touching’ ice-breakers.
13. Don’t feel like you have to touch or hold hands, etc.
14. Definitely don’t lay a fat one on her on the first date.
15. Dinner and a movie is not always a great first date.  Dinner is always good but a movie could be a little awkward… all the sitting in silence, sitting close together, not trying to touch each other stuff can be a little weird sometimes.
16. Don’t go see horror movies on the first date.
17. Don’t ever go see horror movies.
18. Be creative on first dates.
19. Don’t ever spend a ton of money on the first date… it might not work out and you could be out hundred bucks… or more.
20. Keep conversation light.  Don’t debate your position on the end times.
21. Don’t seclude yourselves where you are not around people.
22. Don’t stay out too late.
23. Again, I must reinforce.  Never kiss on the first date.  Your sexual impulses could turn into a relationship that you don’t really want to have in the first place.

The Evaluation:

1. Ask her if you can call her tomorrow.  You don’t have to wait to call her.  That’s a Hollywood myth.  If she says yes then tell her when you will call her.
2. Follow through with what you say.
3. Set up a time to take her on a second date.
4. Don’t be over baring.
5. Send her a sweet text message.
6. Do small things for her if you want to continue to show her you’re interested.
7. Don’t Facebook stalk the other person.

The First Few Months:

1. Keep your pants on.
2. Start slow.
3. Hold hands.  Try not to have too much hand sex (yeah you know what I’m talking about).
4. Give hugs.
5. Kiss (there is a myth in the Christian culture that Christians should not kiss… ridiculous!)
6. Don’t grope and make out heavily. Heavy make out leads to dry humping… don’t go there!
7. Repent if you did.
8. Try your best to stay away from situations that will allow you to be alone.  Your sexual drive will be at its peak during these first few months of attraction to this person.
9. Go on group dates.  Group dates aren’t just for high school kids who can’t drive.  They can be really fun.
10. Make sure your time is intentional.  Talk about the future, careers, etc.  The first few months are perfect for figuring out if you are like-minded in theology, career goals, church background, family desires, lifestyle, etc.
11. Have an older couple walk with you through the dating process.  Guys should have an older guy that is pouring into them and giving them wisdom during this time and vice versa for girls.
12. Don’t EVER use the words “I LOVE YOU” unless there is a ring on that finger.
13. Don’t open the door for intimacy.  You can show affection without being intimate.
14. Guys, protect the girl’s emotions.  Don’t play with her emotions and use the phrase “I LOVE YOU” like it’s a greeting or salutation.
15. Guys, protect the girl’s purity.  Group dates and limited alone time will do you wonders in this area.
16. Be creative during these months with the dates you go on.
17. AGAIN, DON’T PUT YOURSELVES IN SITUATIONS WHERE YOU WILL BE ALONE FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME WHEN YOU ARE ON DATES.
18. Evaluate your relationship every month.
19. Don’t ever make out at the parent’s house.  That would be the worst if you got caught by her folks.
20. Date for a short-period of time.
21. Marriage is more important than college.  Get engaged and married early so you don’t go crazy over wanting to be intimate.
22. Date for 6-8 months and get engaged if you can.
23. Dating for long periods of time leads to a lot of repentance.
24. Always ask her dad if you can marry her.
25. If he says, “No” then do what you have to do for him to say, “Yes.”

Look for “THE CHRISTIAN RULES OF THE ENGAGEMENT PROCESS” coming soon!

In this post Greg Gibson attempts to answer these tough questions theological, practically, and through the lens of a biblical worldview.   [...]

Trust: if any trait should be considered imperative for a man and woman desiring a loving and lasting relationship as well as a good and God-honoring sex life trust is it. [...]