This question is more of an enigma then anything.  Nonetheless, here are some good questions for young men that love both Jesus and women.

1.  Are you attracted to her?

This is a no brainer.

2.  Does she love Jesus?

This should be the first thing that makes or breaks a relationship.  The apostle Paul tells us that we are not to be unequally yoked in our (1 Cor 6:14).  Guys, if she loves Jesus and you are attracted to her then those seem like pretty good odds.  The gospel must be the center of every relationship.  It is the rock and foundation that every relationship must be built upon.  You must be a man who loves Jesus and shows it in your actions.  When you do this, girls who love Jesus will notice you.

3.  Are you like-minded?

I do believe there are more to relationships then the attractiveness and gospel-centeredness aspects, although they are the two biggest in my opinion.  As you begin a relationship there should always be an angle where you are learning the theology, goals, and aspirations of the other person.

4.  Are you ready for marriage?

It is no secret that my position on dating is a minority position.  For the Christian, dating should always be practiced in the shadow of marriage.  If you are not ready for marriage then you should not date.  The question now is, “How should I prepare myself for marriage?”

Read Question 1:  What is Biblical Manhood?

Visit Greg’s Column – Crossing the Rubicon

This past Tuesday night I had the privilege to sit under the preaching of Darrin Patrick, who came to my church Highview Baptist to speak to our men regarding the subject of masculinity. He began his talk by regretfully reminiscing upon the relationship that he had with his father, especially as it pertained to spiritual matters. [...]

In this article Ben Montoya discusses an important issue for young college students to understand:  Your college ministry on your local campus is NOT the local church. [...]

The motives behind this article are 4 sided: 1) Guys have no idea how to be in a ‘dating’ relationship.  2) Girls have no idea how to be in a ‘dating’ relationship.  3) The Christian dating culture can sometimes seem so ridiculous that it’s fun to pick on.  4) It’s just fun.  I have compiled the following list of rules after thinking through why relationships begin and end.

There is nothing especially Scriptural about each of these points.  Many of them are just fun; however, many should be taken seriously.  Also, most of them are geared toward guys… since I am one.  They have been derived from experience, observation, study, and common sense.  Read this list.  Think through them.  Disagree.  Laugh with me.  Think of them as guidelines more than rules (because rules without relationship lead to rebellion).  And then let me know what you all think.

The Batter’s Box:

1. Get a job.
2. Work hard.
3. Take showers. (You would think that the first 3 are assumed… yeah… it’s not)
4. Stop playing Xbox all day.
5. Start a budget, save money, and move out of mom and dad’s house.
6. Don’t go to a bar to find a girl.
7. Never text a girl and ask her out on a date.
8. Girls, if a guy ever texts you to ask you on a date then you should probably make fun of him.
9. Don’t let your girl friends set you up with a ‘friend.’  It never works out.  If you do end up going then always go on a lunch date first.  It’s easy to move on from there without much awkwardness.
10. Hang out in groups.  Get to know the other person without making your intentions known just yet.
11. Don’t be too pushy.
12. Girls should never ask a guy out a date.  If a guy can’t man up and ask then he’s not worthy of you calling him a ‘man.’
13. Girls CAN put themselves in a position to be noticed.  Think of Ruth.
14. Take your time.  You don’t have to rush into something… I’m talking to you guys.
15. Make a great impression on her parents and vice-versa (if this is feasible).
16. Guys, it might be a good idea to get permission from her dad to take her on a date.
17. Be a man and ask her out in person.
18. Make your intentions known.  Is this just a hang out date?  How interested are you?  Do you just want to culturally date?  Just trying on another shoe?  Are you dating for the purposes of marriage?

The First Date:

1. Take a shower.
2. Plan it out.
3. Take her somewhere nice.  A first date should never be McDonalds.
4. Dress casually.  Look sharp but don’t over do it.
5. Going to church is not a date.
6. Reading the Bible together on a first date is probably not a good idea.
7. The guy should always drive.
8. The guy should always come to the door.  Never honk.
9. The guy should always open EVERY door for the girl (i.e., car door, restaurant door, etc)
10. The guy should always pay.
11. Bring flowers if you are that kind of guy.
12. Side hugs are great first date ‘touching’ ice-breakers.
13. Don’t feel like you have to touch or hold hands, etc.
14. Definitely don’t lay a fat one on her on the first date.
15. Dinner and a movie is not always a great first date.  Dinner is always good but a movie could be a little awkward… all the sitting in silence, sitting close together, not trying to touch each other stuff can be a little weird sometimes.
16. Don’t go see horror movies on the first date.
17. Don’t ever go see horror movies.
18. Be creative on first dates.
19. Don’t ever spend a ton of money on the first date… it might not work out and you could be out hundred bucks… or more.
20. Keep conversation light.  Don’t debate your position on the end times.
21. Don’t seclude yourselves where you are not around people.
22. Don’t stay out too late.
23. Again, I must reinforce.  Never kiss on the first date.  Your sexual impulses could turn into a relationship that you don’t really want to have in the first place.

The Evaluation:

1. Ask her if you can call her tomorrow.  You don’t have to wait to call her.  That’s a Hollywood myth.  If she says yes then tell her when you will call her.
2. Follow through with what you say.
3. Set up a time to take her on a second date.
4. Don’t be over baring.
5. Send her a sweet text message.
6. Do small things for her if you want to continue to show her you’re interested.
7. Don’t Facebook stalk the other person.

The First Few Months:

1. Keep your pants on.
2. Start slow.
3. Hold hands.  Try not to have too much hand sex (yeah you know what I’m talking about).
4. Give hugs.
5. Kiss (there is a myth in the Christian culture that Christians should not kiss… ridiculous!)
6. Don’t grope and make out heavily. Heavy make out leads to dry humping… don’t go there!
7. Repent if you did.
8. Try your best to stay away from situations that will allow you to be alone.  Your sexual drive will be at its peak during these first few months of attraction to this person.
9. Go on group dates.  Group dates aren’t just for high school kids who can’t drive.  They can be really fun.
10. Make sure your time is intentional.  Talk about the future, careers, etc.  The first few months are perfect for figuring out if you are like-minded in theology, career goals, church background, family desires, lifestyle, etc.
11. Have an older couple walk with you through the dating process.  Guys should have an older guy that is pouring into them and giving them wisdom during this time and vice versa for girls.
12. Don’t EVER use the words “I LOVE YOU” unless there is a ring on that finger.
13. Don’t open the door for intimacy.  You can show affection without being intimate.
14. Guys, protect the girl’s emotions.  Don’t play with her emotions and use the phrase “I LOVE YOU” like it’s a greeting or salutation.
15. Guys, protect the girl’s purity.  Group dates and limited alone time will do you wonders in this area.
16. Be creative during these months with the dates you go on.
17. AGAIN, DON’T PUT YOURSELVES IN SITUATIONS WHERE YOU WILL BE ALONE FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME WHEN YOU ARE ON DATES.
18. Evaluate your relationship every month.
19. Don’t ever make out at the parent’s house.  That would be the worst if you got caught by her folks.
20. Date for a short-period of time.
21. Marriage is more important than college.  Get engaged and married early so you don’t go crazy over wanting to be intimate.
22. Date for 6-8 months and get engaged if you can.
23. Dating for long periods of time leads to a lot of repentance.
24. Always ask her dad if you can marry her.
25. If he says, “No” then do what you have to do for him to say, “Yes.”

Look for “THE CHRISTIAN RULES OF THE ENGAGEMENT PROCESS” coming soon!

Have you ever wondered if what you are wearing is making the boys in the school yard look and drool?  Okay, maybe you’re not spending your weekday afternoons in the school yard anymore but what about your work, school, and your everyday casual clothes?  When you walk past a guy does he do a double take?  Tyler Smith encourages women in their dress and calls them to a countercultural approach to the clothes they wear. [...]

In this post Greg Gibson attempts to answer these tough questions theological, practically, and through the lens of a biblical worldview.   [...]

Trust: if any trait should be considered imperative for a man and woman desiring a loving and lasting relationship as well as a good and God-honoring sex life trust is it. [...]

Temptation is remarkably tricky. By itself, removed from its own disastrous context, temptation looks amazing, it feels so alluring, and it offers so much promise. But that is not the full face of temptation. Context tells us the rest of the story. [...]

This is one of the most popular of the unpopular arguments to enter into. Especially for a man who is writing to other men, as I am now. To the women reading this, you are welcome to read and encouraged to share your thoughts with all of these stupid boys who need the insight of a God honoring woman.

 Should wives submit to their husbands? Let me make this easy. Yes. The Apostle Paul makes this abundantly clear in numerous passages. For more on that and to gain a better understanding of the foundations of this article, feel free to click over to our article on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Go ahead, I will wait here for you.

After understanding the Biblical perspective on Manhood and Womanhood, I would like to discuss the solution to a wife who will not recognize her husband as her leader. How do we, as men and husbands fix this? I can’t provide an answer for every situation, but for the vast majority of these situations, the answer lies in Ephesians 5:22-33. [...]

In our modern day a person being dubbed as “single” and the life associated with the title can differ drastically when viewed from a Christian versus Non-Christian worldview. Hollywood has portrayed the single man as a highly-appealing, care-free, and much sought after sex symbol. This single man is never without date; he has intimate encounters with various women on a regular basis, has freedom to work, play and most importantly is not restrained by long-term commitment. The message portrayed to the audience clearly deems marriage as the ultimate demise of this single man. Of course, he knows this kind of lifestyle cannot go on forever and he desires to settle down…eventually. He invariably will marry but his fun-filled bachelor state has come to an end.

Now for the Christian, singleness is often perceived as the temporary state of individual before marriage. Matrimony is the ultimate goal. An individual’s being single involves their development, experiences and growth; much of what is shaping them to be a Godly spouse. Unlike the Non-Christian, being a single Christian doesn’t (shouldn’t) involve the sexual experiences fit only for those in the marriage context. Therefore, since God made us with a sexual drive desiring to be fulfilled and marriage as the context in which God saw fit for it to find satisfaction, then naturally, most want to get married. Now, there are desires outside of sexual gratification that are vitally important and also push us towards desiring a mate. Looking at the first Man: Adam, it says in Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Eve fulfilled this longing in Adam’ soul, clearly demonstrating the superiority of marriage over singleness.

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