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A friend sent me an article that was posted on CNN’s Religion Blog about, yet again, the rise in “Christians” having premarital sex. Surprise! Surprise! The author raises the question about the seemingly common late 20-something or 30-something Christian who is single and EXPECTED to stay pure. The ridiculousness of this claim baffles me to no end. Also, quite likely, it is not uncommon to meet a Christian dating couple that has been together for several years. What’s more, just a quick look through your Facebook “friends” will reveal several former committed Christians who live with their boyfriends, girlfriends, or parents, having never prepared for the pursuit of biblical manhood or womanhood, yet living in a fantasy world that they have, somehow, by age only, escaped the frightening years of adolescence–when we all know that in maturity, decision-making, and their practice of non-intenional dating, they still reflect the kids they once were as sophomores in high school.

In a recent article in Relevant magazine, this same question is brought to the forefront. Scott McKnight, the author of a few good books, has some equally good things to say about this concept.

He tells Relevant:

Sociologically speaking, the one big difference – and it’s monstrous – between the biblical teaching and our culture is the arranged marriages of very young people. If you get married when you’re 13, you don’t have 15 years of temptation.

John Blake, the author of the CNN article with equivalent title as above, states this,

So what should a Christian parent or youth pastor do? How do they convince more young Christians to wait until marriage, or should they stop even trying?

What should a Christian parent or youth pastor do?  How do we convince more young Christians to wait until marriage?  Should we stop even trying?  Are you kidding me!  No!  No!  No!  No!  And No!  As horrible as those questions are though, many parents I’m sure are continuing to ask this question all over the world.  Even more non-auspicious, many youth pastors are asking these questions as well.  Let me try my best at answering them… again. [...]

I have been thinking quite a while about kids, specifically teenagers, who are still in high school and are allowed to date.  There are many viewpoints out there.  On one side of the spectrum we have a strict no dating until you graduate policy.  This position falls within a majority of fundamentalist camps that give dating a bad rep and point us toward a more counter-cultural form of courtship.  I once held this position.  On the complete opposite side of the spectrum we find folks who allow their teenagers to date at an early age, elevating their child’s need to be fully immersed in youth culture without fully realizing the consequences.  We will discuss these consequences below.  Also, I really don’t have to explain this camp in much detail, because you and I probably found ourselves in this camp when we were in high school.  We dated.  We dated a lot.  We dated without much thought or parental oversight.  What’s more, I dated in high school without much intentionality.  I didn’t really understand what dating was all about, but I knew that the girl across the cafeteria was hot and that I wanted to date her.

I don’t think either of these two camps is the most beneficial for a Christian worldview.  Therefore, what I am advocating for in this article is a middle approach  In this middle approach I am advocating an early case for dating only as it falls within an early case for marriage. [...]

When some people think of online dating, they think of people like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite (see here).  But according to today’s statistics, one out of five relationships begins on the internet.  Take a look at John Piper’s video. I would be interested to hear what you think.  Is online/internet dating a legitimate option for Christian singles?

One of my previous roommates had the typical life of an average, post-college, Christian guy.  He was involved in church, he worked full time, exercised, etc.  When asked whether or not he was dating he replied, “I am just waiting for God to bring someone along to me.”  I asked, “Well, have you asked anyone out on a date or to coffee lately?”  He answered, “No; I am just going to wait for God to make it 100% clear that I should date and marry someone.”  This view is quite common among single, Christian men.  The purpose of this blog post is to determine whether or not this viewpoint is biblical.

When we turn to the Bible we find no instruction on how to find a wife.  Nevertheless, given that we believe in the sufficiency of Scripture for all areas of life, we must seek to discern what the writers of Scripture have written for this modern circumstance.  One of the most common Scriptures cited in this area is the one with Adam and Eve.  Some claim that just as God provided Adam with Eve while Adam was doing precisely what God wanted Adam to do (Gen 2:18-25), God will provide for us when we are doing what God wants us to do.  It is probably from such instruction that some, if not all, of the Christian men who take the aforementioned approach to dating get this idea.  The idea is that they can focus solely on what God wants them to do with their careers, church, etc., and God will simply bring them someone to marry. [...]

For the longest time, I have been thinking through my viewpoint on kids, specifically teenagers who are still in high school, being allowed to date.  There are many viewpoints out there.  On one side of the spectrum we have a strict no date until you graduate policy.  This position falls within a majority of fundamentalist camps who give dating a bad rep and point us toward a more, counter-cultural form of courtship.   [...]

Physical attractiveness is one of the most common criteria a single person looks for in the individual he or she is considering marrying. For some, this criterion is just assumed and almost goes without saying. For them, physical attractiveness is the most important criterion, and one’s character and spirituality is not a significant variable in the equation. Others think that one should not have a great concern for physical appearance in their spouses. Instead, it is suggested that beauty is fleeting, that one’s character and relationship with Christ should be the most important criterion, and that one’s physical appearance is not important at all. Both of these two options take extreme positions. With disregard for the soul, the first group is guilty of functional pornography—being concerned with the physical and not the whole person—and situates beauty on its virtual altar of worship. The second group is guilty of the old Gnostic disdain for all things physical. As Christians, then, what should we be looking for in a spouse, and what are realistic expectations in terms of physical attractiveness?

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I recently had the opportunity to sit next to a high school student as she was trying to gently let her boyfriend know that he was getting the hatchet. It was quite interesting and I would love to share with you a skill that I realized I had forgotten from my years of high school and college-age dating. I want to share with you the art of being gracefully dumped.I do not mean to trivialize the experience of being dumped, because I have been there, and I know it can be difficult. I would just like to provide some context for all of the lonely, broken hearts out there. [...]

My wife, Grace, and I got married after about 11 months of a dating and engagement process.  We dated for 6 months, were engaged for 5 months, and the rest is, well, history as they say.  Honestly, my wife is so hot that waiting any longer to get married would have been extremely disastrous for me, and I would have ended up repenting and asking her to forgive me for my human-man-sin-nature-sex-drive.  [...]

In 2009 Crossway published a book by Voddie Baucham called What He Must Be…If he wants to marry my daughter. The idea behind this book is to let Christian men know what they must be before they can date, engage, and marry someone’s daughter – written from the father’s perspective.  Baucham sets high but realistic standards for Christian men.  In this blog I want to flip the focus.  That is, I want to set forth a paradigm of what a Christian woman MUST be before a Christian man should date, engage, or marry her.

The first paradigm for what a Christian woman should be can be found in Proverbs 31:10-31.  While women often and rightly look to this text for what they should be, we must remember that this section of Scripture is written directly to men (Proverbs 31:2).  That is, men are to read this section of Scripture and use these verses as lenses by which they view those women they are interested in, or as they decide if they should even have interest in them.  [...]

The most recent TIME cover poses the question, “Who Needs Marriage?”  If you keep up with my column at all then you know much of my writing and energy is placed around thinking through this issue with our generation.  With this being such a big issue, I knew I had to write something on this piece through lens of our generation.  You can read my positions on marriage HERE and HERE, and why you are at it you can read our views of cohabitation outside of marriage HERE and HERE.  Al Mohler, one of our heroes, has also written a sagacious article on this topic HERE.

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