As a relatively new pastor, I have come to realize to a greater degree the pervasiveness of sin–the tight grip it has on the world and even its influence over Christians. Quickly, I am coming to recognize the essentiality of being skilled in biblical counseling. Sin, with all of its evil, continues to give rise to one of the most common subject matter for counseling–broken or damaged relationships. It sincerely breaks my heart as a pastor, and especially as a fellow-Christian, to see disunity among Christians. This is particularly and pronouncedly true when it comes to broken and damaged marriages.

Why are broken marriages so painful for me to observe? Honestly, it has to do with the fact that “Christians” have lost their fear of God. Consequently, when a man and woman exchange vows on their wedding day, the promise or covenant that that they make with each other, with God, and with the observing congregation becomes nothing more than a formality for many. When people make the decision to get a divorce, they act as functional atheists as they disregard this covenant and promise and spurn the authority of God. Neither is God the foundation of the relationship, nor does He prove to be the Lord or Master of the individuals involved in the relationship. Covenant and promise have sadly lost their significance in this functionally atheistic and pseudo-Christian church culture.

I have recently been encouraged by two videos–one, a conversation between pastors and theologians, and a second, a music video. In these videos, what is made central and foundational to a marriage relationship is not health, comfort, sex, money, romance, chemistry, or anything material or physical; it IS covenant and promise. Marriage relationships will always be wrought with difficulties and challenges, but as Andrew Peterson says, “That’s what the promise is for.” If marriage can be founded on this promise and covenant, then (and only then) will they be able to experience the true joy that the marriage relationship can bring as they seek to live out the Christ-church marital dynamic for the glory of God and their joy. For those of you who might be struggling with your marriage, don’t give up. And look to Christ who has given himself for us, instituting an unbreakable covenant with us in order to save us from our sin. Covenants and promises are not made to be broken. God will never break his. Neither should we.

For Christian guys and girls, being content as a single is a constant challenge. There is no shortage of clichés (mostly by married and seemingly happy couples) intended to console or reassure those desiring marriage. “Don’t worry: God has someone really special for you,” and, “Be patient, it will all work out, don’t be in a hurry.” And the temptation to actively seek out a relationship becomes greater as one’s peers all seem to be tying the knot.

Striving to fit in by pursuing a relationship in thought, word, and deed can consume a person. It can become an unhealthy obsession—one devoid of faith and trust in God. As time passes, the issue becomes more pressing and more detrimental. In some cases, a person may find themselves in a bad relationship due to impatience. This same impatience can cause a guy or girl to compromise principles for the sake of finding a mate.  Divorce is sometimes the sad conclusion.

To put singleness and marriage in perspective, it helps to examine our fundamental purpose for being. In Desiring God, John Piper argues from scripture and takes from the Westminister Shorter Catechism the belief that the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him forever. We do, in fact, seek our own happiness as God created us to, but true ecstasy is found only in Him. Good things we experience in life, food, drink, aesthetic pleasures, friendship, and marriage were all created by God (James 1:17), but they are not ends in and of themselves.

People try in vain to find happiness by pursuing things they hope will bring them lasting pleasure apart from their actual creator. These always disappoint.

Single Christians sometimes live as if the chief end of man is to wed. Their thoughts, their desires, their devotion is directed unwaveringly towards finding a mate.

God wants us to find our joy in Him.He is very the creator of marriage. Finding our joy in God doesn’t necessarily mean life-long singleness.  Most Christians will eventually marry. But by seeking our joy in God, we fully understand that He has a plan our lives. He has created us to glorify Him. Therefore, we seek to serve Christ wholeheartedly in whatever state we’re in. It’s the reason we’re here.

The truth is, there is much to be done for the Kingdom of God on earth. Those who are single have unique capabilities and a more freedom to do what married couples cannot. I saw this firsthand serving as a missionary for two years in Suriname, South America. I was able to live and minister for 3-4 months at time in a remote village in the Amazon jungle. For a family, my living situation would have hardly been possible.

Now during those two years did I ever think about any particular girl? Would I have been open to a relationship even if only by email or phone? Yes. Did I spend more time thinking about it than I should have? Definitely.

I say this because, in retrospect, no relationship ever developed during that time. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I realized that even in my thought life, I could’ve devoted more to ministry.

Serving God Wholeheartedly as a single man or woman is a part of His plan. Singleness is not an accidental state. Glorifying God is the chief end of man. If marriage will allow you to serve and glorify God better he’ll work all that out.

In the meantime, glorify Him in your singleness. Take advantage of its unique benefits. Prepare yourself for marriage by becoming the person you need to be. Serve Jesus with your whole heart and trust His infinite wisdom to determine when and if it’s right for marriage.

The allure of a relationship and the energy requires to pursue one can cause singles to waste a time ordained by God to serve him in a unique capacity. Always looking ahead but never taking advantage of today is a mistake. Don’t make that mistake. Don’t waste your singleness.

Few organizations are scrutinized more than those intending to bring people out of the homosexual lifestyle. Labeling homosexuality a sinful lifestyle choice is anathema in our modern society. Look at Apple’s recent decision to remove an iPhone app from a Christian-based organization, Exodus International. Exodus International describes itself as “helping those struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction to live a life congruent with biblical teaching.” Intense opposition from gay activist groups caused Apple to cave.

The declaration of homosexuality as biblically wrong is an indictment against the gay community –a condemnation of an immoral lifestyle. Hence, we see virulent opposition as in the case of Exodus International.

During my senior year at California Baptist University, students were privileged to hear a number of godly, well-known, influential speakers: David Platt, Voddie Baucham, and Tom Eliff were among them. These are men who have helped shape my views on missions, the family and evangelism.

But one of the most profound chapel messages came from a man that virtually none of us students had heard of. His name wasBryan. Of the 1,500 + students in the gym that morning, few anticipated what was to be shared. A normally restless crowd remained focused and attentive to the story of an incredible life transformation –a novel one for most, including myself.

Bryanhad been engaged in the gay lifestyle for many years. He told the story of being raised in church and being saved but having a father who felt his son was never the model of masculinity he envisioned. He strived for his father’s approval but always fell short. He did not excel in athletics, nor was he interested in traditionally male pursuits.

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Does this video remind you of your church or small group? I hope not. Unfortunately, though, I think the attitudes described here are all too common in our churches.

When some people think of online dating, they think of people like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite (see here).  But according to today’s statistics, one out of five relationships begins on the internet.  Take a look at John Piper’s video. I would be interested to hear what you think.  Is online/internet dating a legitimate option for Christian singles?

One of my previous roommates had the typical life of an average, post-college, Christian guy.  He was involved in church, he worked full time, exercised, etc.  When asked whether or not he was dating he replied, “I am just waiting for God to bring someone along to me.”  I asked, “Well, have you asked anyone out on a date or to coffee lately?”  He answered, “No; I am just going to wait for God to make it 100% clear that I should date and marry someone.”  This view is quite common among single, Christian men.  The purpose of this blog post is to determine whether or not this viewpoint is biblical.

When we turn to the Bible we find no instruction on how to find a wife.  Nevertheless, given that we believe in the sufficiency of Scripture for all areas of life, we must seek to discern what the writers of Scripture have written for this modern circumstance.  One of the most common Scriptures cited in this area is the one with Adam and Eve.  Some claim that just as God provided Adam with Eve while Adam was doing precisely what God wanted Adam to do (Gen 2:18-25), God will provide for us when we are doing what God wants us to do.  It is probably from such instruction that some, if not all, of the Christian men who take the aforementioned approach to dating get this idea.  The idea is that they can focus solely on what God wants them to do with their careers, church, etc., and God will simply bring them someone to marry. [...]

Every Monday night about 10 to 15 twenty-somethings come over to my tiny little apartment to eat a meal together, fellowship, and spend time in God’s Word.  We started with four people:  My wife, me, and another guy and gal.  Since we started, however, our group has been growing fast—both vertically and horizontally.  They are growing in their relationship with God through our weekly discussion of God’s Word (vertically) and closer to each other through our genuine and authentic fellowship with one another (horizontally).  It is pretty fun to watch.  At Foothills Church, this is the core of our philosophy of ministry.  We want to make mature disciples of Christ in relational environments, and we do so through small groups meeting in homes all over our city each week.

I have many relationships with persons all over the world.  Some are friends that I see or talk to only every once in awhile; some are friends I see everyday; some are family members; some are lifelong friends; some are friends that I would consider best friends, or part of my inner circle, who I would share prayers with and seek out for counsel; still others are just acquaintances.  My relationships are on many different levels, but none impact me more than the people with whom I spend my Monday nights. [...]

In 10 Questions, a regular interview page in Time magazine (March 28), Dan Savage, a gay syndicated sex columnist discussed his book It Gets Better and his YouTube campaign in support of bullied gay teens. Savage is a controversial speaker and writer at the forefront of gay activism. While aiming to eliminate the abuse of teens embracing a homosexual lifestyle is good, Savage’s advocacy and belief regarding homosexuality has serious implications. His approach doesn’t address any inherent error in the gay lifestyle, but rather encourages acceptance of it. In doing so he makes a statement of profound impact—in which he redefines love:

Time: What advice can you give readers of Time?

Savage: We talk about love in a way that’s very unrealistic: “If you’re in love, you’re not going to want to have sex with anyone else but that person.” That’s not true. We need to acknowledge that truth so that people don’t have to spend 40 years of marriage lying to and policing each other. [...]

For the longest time, I have been thinking through my viewpoint on kids, specifically teenagers who are still in high school, being allowed to date.  There are many viewpoints out there.  On one side of the spectrum we have a strict no date until you graduate policy.  This position falls within a majority of fundamentalist camps who give dating a bad rep and point us toward a more, counter-cultural form of courtship.   [...]

Physical attractiveness is one of the most common criteria a single person looks for in the individual he or she is considering marrying. For some, this criterion is just assumed and almost goes without saying. For them, physical attractiveness is the most important criterion, and one’s character and spirituality is not a significant variable in the equation. Others think that one should not have a great concern for physical appearance in their spouses. Instead, it is suggested that beauty is fleeting, that one’s character and relationship with Christ should be the most important criterion, and that one’s physical appearance is not important at all. Both of these two options take extreme positions. With disregard for the soul, the first group is guilty of functional pornography—being concerned with the physical and not the whole person—and situates beauty on its virtual altar of worship. The second group is guilty of the old Gnostic disdain for all things physical. As Christians, then, what should we be looking for in a spouse, and what are realistic expectations in terms of physical attractiveness?

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