For Christian guys and girls, being content as a single is a constant challenge. There is no shortage of clichés (mostly by married and seemingly happy couples) intended to console or reassure those desiring marriage. “Don’t worry: God has someone really special for you,” and, “Be patient, it will all work out, don’t be in a hurry.” And the temptation to actively seek out a relationship becomes greater as one’s peers all seem to be tying the knot.

Striving to fit in by pursuing a relationship in thought, word, and deed can consume a person. It can become an unhealthy obsession—one devoid of faith and trust in God. As time passes, the issue becomes more pressing and more detrimental. In some cases, a person may find themselves in a bad relationship due to impatience. This same impatience can cause a guy or girl to compromise principles for the sake of finding a mate.  Divorce is sometimes the sad conclusion.

To put singleness and marriage in perspective, it helps to examine our fundamental purpose for being. In Desiring God, John Piper argues from scripture and takes from the Westminister Shorter Catechism the belief that the chief end of man is to glorify God by enjoying him forever. We do, in fact, seek our own happiness as God created us to, but true ecstasy is found only in Him. Good things we experience in life, food, drink, aesthetic pleasures, friendship, and marriage were all created by God (James 1:17), but they are not ends in and of themselves.

People try in vain to find happiness by pursuing things they hope will bring them lasting pleasure apart from their actual creator. These always disappoint.

Single Christians sometimes live as if the chief end of man is to wed. Their thoughts, their desires, their devotion is directed unwaveringly towards finding a mate.

God wants us to find our joy in Him.He is very the creator of marriage. Finding our joy in God doesn’t necessarily mean life-long singleness.  Most Christians will eventually marry. But by seeking our joy in God, we fully understand that He has a plan our lives. He has created us to glorify Him. Therefore, we seek to serve Christ wholeheartedly in whatever state we’re in. It’s the reason we’re here.

The truth is, there is much to be done for the Kingdom of God on earth. Those who are single have unique capabilities and a more freedom to do what married couples cannot. I saw this firsthand serving as a missionary for two years in Suriname, South America. I was able to live and minister for 3-4 months at time in a remote village in the Amazon jungle. For a family, my living situation would have hardly been possible.

Now during those two years did I ever think about any particular girl? Would I have been open to a relationship even if only by email or phone? Yes. Did I spend more time thinking about it than I should have? Definitely.

I say this because, in retrospect, no relationship ever developed during that time. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20. I realized that even in my thought life, I could’ve devoted more to ministry.

Serving God Wholeheartedly as a single man or woman is a part of His plan. Singleness is not an accidental state. Glorifying God is the chief end of man. If marriage will allow you to serve and glorify God better he’ll work all that out.

In the meantime, glorify Him in your singleness. Take advantage of its unique benefits. Prepare yourself for marriage by becoming the person you need to be. Serve Jesus with your whole heart and trust His infinite wisdom to determine when and if it’s right for marriage.

The allure of a relationship and the energy requires to pursue one can cause singles to waste a time ordained by God to serve him in a unique capacity. Always looking ahead but never taking advantage of today is a mistake. Don’t make that mistake. Don’t waste your singleness.

Are single men disqualified from the pastorate? Does the phrase “husband of one wife” in 1 Timothy 3:2 require pastors to be married? Are single pastors at a disadvantage when it comes to practical matters of ministry? Some interpreters answer each of these questions in the affirmative. Others reject this conclusion as unbiblical. I side with those of the latter persuasion and seek to provide reasons why in this article.

Practical Advantages of Single Pastors

Single pastors are not only qualified for pastoral ministry but are in some ways better suited for it than pastors who are married. Steve DeWitt, in his article “That’s Odd: On Bias Against Single Pastors,” points out that married pastors are commonly thought to be better suited for the pastoral ministry, since they have a wife (and perhaps a family) and are thus able to relate to their congregations as married people. Certainly, married pastors have first hand experience when it comes to marriage and parenting, but it should not be concluded that single pastors are unqualified to talk about marriage, raising children, or sex. They certainly cannot speak from firsthand experience in these areas, but they can speak authoritatively, practically, and helpfully if they speak about these matters from the authority of Scripture. If this notion is denied, then the sufficiency of Scripture is also denied. Moreover, single pastors can share what they have learned from reading secondary literature. Of course, they can also impart to their congregations what they have gained from observing the lives of those who are doing marriage and parenting well. [...]

What is it that determines success? Is it natural talent, exceptional quality in training, dogged desire, luck, or some completely random combination of these elements? In his book, Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell attempts to answer this question. He studied success and successful people to try and figure out what separates some exceptional people from everyone else who just gets by. With his findings, Gladwell argues for the existence of a consistent pattern in the lives of those who become the best in the world at something: ten thousand hours spent in preparation for their day of greatness. Sounds crazy, right? Well, did you know that from eighth grade until he graduated high school Bill Gates had almost unlimited access to one of the first non-commercial computers ever made available to the public? Or, did you know The Beatles played together in Hamburg, Germany, eight hours a day, seven days a week for almost two years before they even began recording in their home country of England? Whether you’re talking about basketball players, pianists, computer programmers, or even the child prodigy, Mozart, the rule remains the same; sustained training, not natural gifting, is the greatest determinant of success.

I want to put forth that singleness is the greatest time of preparation you will go through in this life. The problem is that our Americanized perversion of singleness is in need of redemption. In our culture, singleness is the period of time we use to satisfy the longings of our hearts, whether that means binge drinking on college campuses, traveling to see the world, perfecting the fine arts of procrastination and dedicated laziness, or shirking responsibility in favor of video games, we are wasting our singleness. [...]

I have been thinking quite a while about kids, specifically teenagers, who are still in high school and are allowed to date.  There are many viewpoints out there.  On one side of the spectrum we have a strict no dating until you graduate policy.  This position falls within a majority of fundamentalist camps that give dating a bad rep and point us toward a more counter-cultural form of courtship.  I once held this position.  On the complete opposite side of the spectrum we find folks who allow their teenagers to date at an early age, elevating their child’s need to be fully immersed in youth culture without fully realizing the consequences.  We will discuss these consequences below.  Also, I really don’t have to explain this camp in much detail, because you and I probably found ourselves in this camp when we were in high school.  We dated.  We dated a lot.  We dated without much thought or parental oversight.  What’s more, I dated in high school without much intentionality.  I didn’t really understand what dating was all about, but I knew that the girl across the cafeteria was hot and that I wanted to date her.

I don’t think either of these two camps is the most beneficial for a Christian worldview.  Therefore, what I am advocating for in this article is a middle approach  In this middle approach I am advocating an early case for dating only as it falls within an early case for marriage. [...]

Until recently I was single (now I am engaged to be married soon!).  I spent my time with my single friends just like any other single guy should.  When talking with my Christian friends, I began to inquire where they went to church and how they were involved.  While most of them went to church regularly, only one or two of them were actually involved in the ministries of the church.  Most of them simply attended church weekly, gave their tithes and offerings, and that was it.   Instead of getting involved in the ministries of the church, they spent their time hanging out with friends outside of church, playing sports and video games, reading, shopping, going on vacations, and so forth.  Their perspective is that they are only single once, so they need to take advantage of the time they have.  What are we to think about this perspective?

The writers of the Bible assume that Christians are involved in local churches by using their spiritual gifts.  Every time a Christian individual is mentioned or addressed, it is in reference to or in association with a church.  The idea of a so-called Christian attending a church and yet not using their gifts was simply unmentioned.    Thus, perhaps we should question the perspective of my friends aforementioned.

Singles need to find time for both having fun outside of church and for having fun inside the church using their spiritual gifts.  I personally realize that doing both is easier said than done, especially when work and school schedules combine to make extreme busyness.  My friends I attended a rather large church, with a large church staff, and plenty of volunteers for each ministry.  What is a person to do in this circumstance?  Or, if someone has to work long hours at work just to pay the bills and has little spare time, then what?

I would advise a believer in one of these circumstances to find some small way to serve.  This person can do those necessary and small church tasks for which the church staff and other volunteers do not have enough time.  In addition, church leaders often need help calling and visiting members who have not been to church for a long time or perspective contacts.  And churches usually have older people who cannot leave home.  Singles could visit these people on a weekly basis.  Also, churches often need people to help set up tables and chairs.  So many countless opportunities exist for serving.  In fact, if someone is unable find any, he should just ask someone on his church staff or another volunteer and they will likely have something.  The position may not be a premier teaching position yet this person can still get involved.  A church could always use a group of evangelistic singles

Perhaps some believers could comment on other ways they know for singles to get involved in the ministry of a local church.  Feel free to comment below.  We at TVN want to see believers love the church so much that they cannot resist involving themselves in its ministries.  While singles should have godly fun outside of the church, perhaps they can fun serving in the church, too.

If you’ve ever seen a Dos Equis beer commercial, you understand how the world views singleness.

There’s a silver-haired, tanned gentleman sandwiched between two beautiful women half his age in the booth of a swanky bar. He doesn’t have to say much, but you understand without words that he’s scaled Mount Everest, wrestled a tiger to the ground with his bare hands, and possibly launched himself from a plane without a parachute within the past six months.

He’ll charm those beautiful women, but they better not try and tie him down. He’s too busy being the most interesting man in the world.

Maybe I’m reading too much into those commercials. I didn’t spot his left hand to see whether he had a wedding ring. All the actor said was, “Stay thirsty, my friend” and raised his eyebrows knowingly. But I think he embodies the singleness a lot of our generation aims for and applauds – a singleness that spends so much time racking up accomplishments, experiences and material things to impress other people that we neglect a biblical view of singleness.

It’s an attitude that’s reinforced every time people tell me, “Travel all you can while you’re single. You’ll never get that opportunity again.”

So just because I’m single, should I store up all my money to take lavish trips every few months? Buy the fanciest car my budget allows? “Live it up” as much as possible with the attitude that I won’t get to be selfish once I’m married?

I don’t think that should be the goal. God calls us to be members of the body of Christ, serving in the church and giving to anyone as they have need. There’s no special exclusion for singles, no caveat that these responsibilities and commitments only coincide with the duties of marriage.

Singleness allows a measure of freedom that can be used for great good. Singles have more flexibility to travel to the mission field, to chaperone the all-night youth lock-in, to put more in the offering because they’ve got more discretionary income.

But if you’re not intentional about it, singleness can be used for great self-indulgence. After all, marriage forces people to think about and provide for other people. We singles have much more latitude to pour into ourselves or help other people as an active, involved and committed member of the Church.

Look at that freedom as a gift. Singles have a lot to give. They can use that energy to become the most interesting man or woman in the world – a very admired status in this day and age.

Or they can invest that in a higher cause – something more noble and lasting than simply being interesting.

Singleness, whether a mere season in one’s life or a permanent calling, is a time ripe with tremendous opportunity but also grave temptation.  As others today have pointed out, singleness affords wonderful opportunities for ministry and missions that would be otherwise impossible while in a relationship.  It would be a mistake however, if we didn’t also acknowledge the hardships of singleness.  In prolonged singleness there is loneliness, sadness and frustration at being unable to find a mate, a sense of social awkwardness when spending time with couples, and the trial of sexual temptation.

In this article, we will briefly discuss the cluster of challenges and temptations involved in maintaining sexual purity while single and how the joy of Jesus Christ can fill those longings. [...]

We would love to hear your thoughts on this…

When some people think of online dating, they think of people like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite (see here).  But according to today’s statistics, one out of five relationships begins on the internet.  Take a look at John Piper’s video. I would be interested to hear what you think.  Is online/internet dating a legitimate option for Christian singles?

Physical attractiveness is one of the most common criteria a single person looks for in the individual he or she is considering marrying. For some, this criterion is just assumed and almost goes without saying. For them, physical attractiveness is the most important criterion, and one’s character and spirituality is not a significant variable in the equation. Others think that one should not have a great concern for physical appearance in their spouses. Instead, it is suggested that beauty is fleeting, that one’s character and relationship with Christ should be the most important criterion, and that one’s physical appearance is not important at all. Both of these two options take extreme positions. With disregard for the soul, the first group is guilty of functional pornography—being concerned with the physical and not the whole person—and situates beauty on its virtual altar of worship. The second group is guilty of the old Gnostic disdain for all things physical. As Christians, then, what should we be looking for in a spouse, and what are realistic expectations in terms of physical attractiveness?

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